The Voice's Great and Terrible Blog
by Meredith Thisdra
Summary: Yup. You read right. The Voice has a blog. Set before we found out about the Voice, so yeah... R&R, please!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Woohoo. First fanfiction. It's...in a word...funny. So yeah. Read and enjoy!! D BTW, this is the Voice's Blog...Heh.  
**

USER PROFILE

Username: MaXiMuMvOiCe

Location: Somewhere above Germany and in California at the school at the same time…

Position: Floating

Hair: …Nonexistent…

Eyes: …Again…Nonexistent…

Height: 50,000 feet up. Oh, you meant how tall I am?? …Nonexistent…

Hobbies: Bugging Max, invading her life, seeing everything she sees, yelling at her for killing her brother, giving her phantom credit cards, making fun of ter Borcht's accent, and golfing.

Favourite Celebrity: Emily Dechanel

Favorite Food: Desert Rat

Favourite Catchphrase: You have to trust me, Max.

Tuesday

Chase got fired? WTF?! That was a stupid finale! Chase rocked. Max thinks it's weird that a Voice in her head wants to watch TV, but heck; she makes me sit through Grey's Anatomy, so there.

Today, Max found who I was! And get this; **she didn't kill me!** Although, I am a bit afraid to bug her at the mo... Ah well, she'll get over it. I hope…What if she tries to kill me? She could, like, do that clapping-over-my-ears thing!! I'm scared of that! Or, or, or!! She could give me a round-house kick, like she does to Air and stuff. Or, or she won't let me watch House! I would DIE!!

…I guess I could watch the show at the school…But then Borchty would laugh at me… (He says the show is dumb…But he likes Traveler, so he shouldn't be talkin'!) The two of us went bowling last night. I beat him so bad he left the alley, crying. Sucker!!

But here's a MORE interesting topic: GOLFING!! Dr. Martinez and I went golfing after Max left, but Ella ended up crashing the golf-kart into a tree, so we got kicked out. We told her she was too young, but nooooooo, she just wouldn't listen. So, we had to end our golf-game. I was sad. 'Cuz I like golf. It is fun. And nice. And smarticle. I made that word up. See? Golf makes you smarterer.

Well, I'm off, my loyal readers. I have to go and bug Max some more. She's supposed to save the world one day, y'know. And for the record, I only said The Director looks pregnant because she's hot…

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: WOOOOOOOT!_

_What now, Peeps!? First post! OMG, Voice, ur, like, ema-zing! I, like, 2tally luuuuv ur blog!_

_(Posted by –cuteypie1234321-)_

_Subj: …You're weird…_

……_Dude. You SERIOUSLY need to get a life. Get a hobby or something…_

_(Posted by Fang)_

_RE: Subj: …You're weird…_

_I find that insulting! I am not wei…No, no wait… Yeah I am. But you're weird too! You have WINGS! So there. Besides, I DO have a hobby. I like to golf. _

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Not funny!_

_My accent in not funny! I demand you quit making fun ov it dis minute, or I vill make your life miserable! Oh, nice blog by de vay. _

_(Posted by Borchty565)_

_Subj: WHOA…_

_Um…You know you're me, right?_

_(Posted by JBatchelder0)_

_RE: Subj: WHOA…_

_Of course I know I'm you, you idiot! Sheesh, you always want to steal the credit… And take some lessons on finding a better username. Yours lacks originality, I'm afraid. Talk to Borchty, if you must. _

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

Wednesday

Yay! Bones is on! Too bad I can't watch it though, on account of Max doesn't like that show either. Oh, but of course, she likes Grey's Anatomy! She wouldn't miss it! Not even if she had to go SAVE THE WORLD when it was on. I mean, at least 24 is on at a better time!! Sheesh.

After I bugged Max a little bit, yesterday, and am still alive, I decided to go and make a flying kitty. I know, I know, I shouldn't make flying anything, but I just couldn't help it! They looked so cute and fluffy. I have no willpower.

So when I was done making my flying kitty, I gave her a name. I decided on Patch, just 'cuz it was a cute name. No irony intended.

So, once I gave ol' Patchy a name, I decided to teach her how to use the litter box. Lemme tell you, that is _not_ an easy task, especially when you're dealing with a _flying_ kitty. Maybe I should have just bought a _regular_ kitty…? Nah, that would be boring! Why settle for a regular kitty when you can get a flying kitty? You see my logic? Ha, I knew it! Max always says I'm dumb, and that I don't have any logic, or common sense, and I'm mean and cruel, but I say different! I do too have common sense! And now, I just proved that I AM logical! So THERE, Max! What now?!

After I taught her how to use the litter box, we went to go play golf! YAY GOLF!! She's very good at retrieving things, especially gold balls. Although, she had a hard time getting the ones that made it in the hole… Actually, now that I mentioned that, _how_ did she get those balls…? No, never mind, it's probably best I didn't know. Knowledge in my hands tends to become dangerous, Max says that.

I taught her how to fly and use the golf-kart while we played golf. I think she might be a better driver than me! Definitely better than Ella. I don't know _how_ I'm going to pay for that golf-kart…Maybe, I could borrow the Flock's phantom credit card? Hm… The possibilities are endless. Endless, I tell you!!

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: WOOOOOT!_

_YAY! 1__st__ post agan! I, lke, 2tally luuuuv u, Voice! Ur, lke, 2tally ema-zing! I, lke, luuv ur blog!! Kyaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!! OMGZ!! LOL!!_

_(Posted by –cuteypie1234321-)_

_RE: Subj: WOOOOOT!_

_Yes, yes, thank you Lissa. But I have to tell you; it's quite hard to understand what your saying, seeing as I'm a Voice and all. I wonder if you ever went to school?? You should get a better grammar teacher. What grade did you get in spelling?_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Haha!_

_You're soo funny, Voice! Nice blog, too! You should check out ours! maximumride.!! I post on there sometimes, too!! Although, I should tell you, Max said to quite bugging her or else she'll kick you out of her head. Now that you mention it, that flying kitty sounds a lot like Total…Except that he can't fly. But he can jump really, really high! I wonder what color Patch is? Does she have a patch on her back? That would be soo cute! Wouldn't it? Total is completely black and… -TWO PAGES LATER- …and I mean, she just walked right on by, and we never got our Starbucks. It stunk!_

_(Posted by nUdGe!!)_

_RE: Subj: Haha!_

_Nooo! Don't let her kick me out! No! I won't leave! You can't make me! NOOO! _

_Thank you for the blog address, it really is quite fascinating. A truly remarkable blog. At least SOMEONE is nice to me… (Sniffles)… And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from rambling for two pages on my blog next time you comment…_

_Subj: So dat is how you vant it!_

_Vhat about me, Voice? I sought vhat ve had vas special! Now, you replace me for dis…dis animal!? I feel so unlohved!! _

_(Posted by Borchty565)_

_RE: Subj: So dat is how you vant it!_

_Sorry, Borchty, I couldn't help myself! You know how I get with cats and wings! Patchy doesn't have an annoying accent, either…_

_Subj: …You STILL need a hobby…_

_Dude, GOLF ISN'T WORKING FOR YOU!! Get a non-sport-related hobby, like knitting…_

_P.S. … What makes you think we'd let you borrow our credit card??_

_(Posted by Fang)_

_Subj: Heh, you're funny Voice, but really…_

_Nice hobbies… You're my freakin' DAD, and you're hobbies are bugging me, tormenting me, etc… Yeah, love you too, Dad. Hint sarcasm._

_Besides, you don't have any common sense, logic, or smarts, you are dumb, and you are mean and cruel. It's just the way you are. Don't beat yourself up over it too hard, 'kay?_

_P.S. This one's for Fang: You can't think of a better username than 'Fang'? Where's your originality??_

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)_

**A/N: Mwahahahaha. Review, please! Thanks, Jiggy**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Alright! Here we go! Another installment of the Voice's Great and Terrible Blog!! Woohoo! Thanks to sunshinerosesandDEATH for your review! It gave me a confidence boost! Let's hope this next chapter is as funny. Go randomness!**

Thursday

Ugh! This whole "blogging everyday" crap is starting to drag meh down...And yeah, that's right! A Vioce in Maximum Ride's head CAN say 'meh'! And 'teh'! Because 'teh' is amazing! No one uses 'the' anymore. That just makes you old school, dawg.

Note: That is in no way reference to the tiny black talking dog that Max always insists on keeping around. Even though its coughhack_annoying_coughhack.

Anyhoo, I went golfing again today! Little Ella's been banned from the course, so today I went alone. Although, my aim was a little off...I feel really bad that I hit that old guy...All he was doing was sitting on a bench, eating guacamole...Hehe...Um...

Patchy's FINALLY learned how to poop in the litterbox! I was so ecstatic, I gave her half the box of treats as praise! And then Ella came over and gave her the rest! Patchy just wuvs those treats! She's so smart, my little flying kitty :D. She makes my existence worthwhile, where as some birds- I mean kids! Birds? Where? Huh? I don't see any!- don't appreciate me at all! But lately, Patch has been getting a little fat. She can't fly as fast or as long or as high as she used to. I wonder why...? Maybe she's not getting enough exercise...

Well, that about sums up today's exciticle adventures. But, there's just one more thing...IN YOUR FACE, BORTCHY!

Ahem.

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT, Homies!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: Lol, like, again!_

_I got 1st again! Like, ZOMG, Voice! You're, like, 2tally crazy! I wuv u!! Kyaaaaaaaah! _

_(Posted by -cutiepie1234321-)_

_Subj: I'll get you!_

_How dare you disturb an old man playing innocent golf in such a manner!? I was just minding my own pleasant business, when I get clocked on the side of the head by you're golf ball! Get some lessons, young voice! You're a disgrace to all golfers! And for the record, that was NOT guacamole! It was a pie!_

_(Posted by OlFart999)_

_Re: Subj: I'll get you!_

_Ahem. Dear OlFart999, I love you're username. It is so very original, and if that came out as sounding even the slightest bit sarcastic, I truly do apologize. A bit of advice: Next time you go to a golf course, Mr. OlFart, I beg of you, PAY MORE FREAKING ATTENTION!! And how the h-e-double toothpicks (Thanks, Angel!) can a PIE look GREEN!? Thank you for your comment._

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Curse You!_

_I demand a replay, Voice! Zat game ov checkers vas simply unfair! I vill play you again, and BEAT you! Zen I shall show you who has de funny accent, you sniveling voice! Hurumph!_

_(Posted by Bortchy565)_

_Subj: ..._

_Dude, there is something WRONG with you... _

_Oh, and P.S Max: How's THIS for a new username, since my doesn't seem to live up to your expectations?_

_(Posted by Fangalicious#1)_

_Subj: WOAH!!_

_Now this is just getting creepy! WHO ARE YOU!?1?!1111?! And my username is NOT lacking originality!  
_

_(Posted by JBatchelder0)_

_Subj: Ha!_

_Voice, you're hysterical! I love your blog. Keep the the laughs! _

_(Posted by Sam-oh-Rama546)_

_Re: Subj: Ha!_

_Why, thank you, Sam-oh-Rama! You know, you could teach Fnick a thing or two on DECENCY!! (Sniffle) I just feel like you're the only one who truly appreciates me! Thank you!!1!!_

Friday

Yes! Firday is here! Finally, I can get the weekend off! No more annoying Max, no more making sure the bird-idiots fly in the right direction...Just me, my nonexistent butt, and my telemuvision. I just read somewhere that CBS was planning to cancel Moonlight! What the heck!? Fist Jericho and now Moonlight!? Those shows are like, the bestest, and yet their getting cancelled!? You suck, CBS! I hope Josef comes and goes vamp on your butts! Look what happened to freakin' Sarah! He'll tear you're spinal cord out!

I was sweeping up in my living room one day, while watching telemuvision ('Cuz voices can multi-task! No one told you?) and I turned to Comedy Central, 'cuz let's just face it- Who doesn't wuv to waugh!?...I mean laugh... And Dane Cook was on! That guys, like, hilarious!! What he says about Cinematic Adventures is sooo true! And I saw the dude with the puppets!! Um...Jeff Dunham!! Yeah, he's brilliant, too. I really like Peanut. We have so much in common!! We both love to annoy people!

I beat Bortchy at checkers. Again. That guy really stinks at playing checkers. He doesn't really get the concept of "Only move diagonally!" Seruslly, if he wants to move up or down or sideways, he should really play chess. But, I mean, I can see why he doesn't- who plays chess, anymore? Not after Ron Weasley totally skooled us with his freakin' Wizard's Chess. How do you beat that!?

It's been recently discovered that the Flock is being MANGAFIED!! I wonder how they'll portray me...?

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: In your face, Lissa!_

_Voice, I vunce again challenge you to a rematch! Dis time, I vill not be denied! I shall beat you and regain my honor and dignity! I'll be ova as soon as I finish dusting off my beautiful doll antique collection! I vill see you soon, Voice!_

_(Posted by Bortchy565)_

_Subj: WTH?_

_Voice, you have some SERIOUS issues!! How about some therapy, DAD?! Zomg, you're blog is so...bizarre! Just like...(Snicker) _Fangalicious_(Snicker) said, get a freaking hobby!! And Fnick, couldn't you have thought of ANYTHING but Fangalicious? Seriously? And what's with the #1?  
_

_P.S. Hi Sam! How are you!?_

_(Posted by __Indestructably__-Max890)_

_Subj: ...What?_

_This is just getting ridiculous. Who reads this crap? Oh, and Sam...What the HECK are you doing here? No one likes you, believe me. GO AWAY. And for you're information, Max, Lissa decided it for me. _

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

_Re: Subj: ...What?_

_Could you all please STOP having side conversations on my blog? This is my personal space, people! Don't abuse it, or I WILL kick you out!!11!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Max!?_

_Max!? Is that you!? I can't believe it! How are you doing? I've missed you so much! Come and see me! Oh, and Voice, you're blog is still a great as ever! Keep it up, dude! I can't wait to see everyone mangafied, that sounds so cool! I bet Max will still look amazing even as a cartoon. _

_Jealous, Fang? Hahahahahaha..._

_(Posted by Sam-oh-Rama546)_

_Subj: Hello. _

_Dear Voice. I think your blog is very cool and funny. But please stop being so annoying. You're making Max mad all the time. So please stop. Thank you. P.S Total tells you to stop making fun of him on your blog or else.  
_

_(Posted by angeldeerest6)_

_Re: Subj: Hello._

_Um...Hehe...Thanks, Angel. Please don't try anything I wouldn't do. If it makes you feel any better, I'll stop making fun of Total and your birdie pals, okay? _

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Whaaaaaaaaaat?_

_Oh, boo! I didnt get the 1st post? That sux! but I still wuv ur blog, Voice! Still 2tally awsome, as always!! Kyaaaaah!_

_(Posted by -cutiepie1234321-)_

**A/N: Haha! Just when you thought you got rid of Lissa, she comes to haunt you again! And how will the almost totally nonexistent love triangle between Max, Sam, and Fang start to heat up? Who knows? Catch you next time!!**

**...Why do I sound like a bad talk show host? I hope it's as funny as last time. Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome! Jiggy**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Well, here we are yet again! Thanks to everyone who is reading the Voice's Great and Terrible Blog. He really appreciates it. And a big thank you to Empress of Pudding for being my second review, and for giving me HILARIOUS usernames. I swear, I laughed till I cried. Those are brilliant. Now, on with the randomness!!**

Saturday

W-O-W!! Did anyone see Ironman? That movie was freaking CRAZY!!1! Tony Stark is now, like, my new bestest friend. He's funny, AND he can make things blow up! That's, like, amazing. Kudos to the Starkster.

I decided to go the store today for some milk. I wuv milk. Milk is teh stuff that makes the world go round. (Note my 'teh' usage) But, while I was at the store, there was this old lady trying to decide which cheese she wanted to buy. So, of course, I began to get suspicious. Who was the lady? Why couldn't she decide which cheese she liked? Why didn't she get American cheese, like everyone else on the freaking planet? But, I never voiced my suspicions (No pun intended. Ha! I've always wanted to say that...) She just looked like some random unsuspecting old lady that couldn't decide which kind of cheese she wanted (Here's a no-brainer, lady: Get BOTH cheeses. Or, get neither of them if you can't get both. Sheesh.) So, I casually walked by, when she turned around and let out this giant GASP! I swear, you would have thought she was having a freaking heart attack or something! So I whirled around to face the crazy lady (Which I now assumed she was) and she was staring straight at me! At first, I thought it was because I was so devilishly handsome, 'cuz you know, voices are known to be devilishly handsome. But instead, the crazy hag started beating me! With her freaking purse no less. I felt like I was a teenager again (Ahh...Good times...) and she was whacking me for hitting on her granddaughter!

But then, I realized. She was OlFart's wife. 'Nough said. Yikes.

So I cheesed it outta there, not wanting to stick around for the wrath that is OlFart999. 'Cuz that would be bad. Like seriously. These people could go off the deep end at ANY time.

Max says I should go and see that shrink from the show Bones. Y'know him? The one Booth has to go to 'cuz he shot the clown? Gordon Gordon? Yeah, him. I would be EXTREMELY offended if it wasn't for the fact that Gordon Gordon is the coolest guy since Chuck Norris. Do YOU think I should go and see Gordon Gordon?? I'm not THAT crazy, right? Hey! I'm not the one with the freaking VOICE in my head! I AM the Voice! So WHAT NOW!!11!!/??

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: Dude..._

_What is with you? You're the weirdest...voice...I think I've ever met before. Heck, you're the ONLY voice I've ever met before. But let's face it. Everyone knows that I'm cooler. I'm a bird kid, I can blow stuff up, I'm funny, AND I'm blind. Now THAT is some serious scillage. _

_(Posted by TehBlindPyro43)_

_Re: Subj: Dude..._

_For you're information, Iggy, Tony Stark does not have to be an annoying blind bird kid to be spectacular. 'Cuz he's Ironman. So yeah. Beat that!_

_Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_I already freaking HAVE! It takes no skill whatsoever to be a mechanic when you can see! But how is it that a fourteen year old teenager, with no sight, and flippin' awesome wings, I might add, can build a bomb just as good as a middle aged man WITH sight? Even though Ironman is totally awesome. He couldn't hold a candle to the awesomeness that is Iggy. Or the whole flock for that matter! Kudos to the Bird Kids! Yeah!_

_Re: Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_How the heck are you even typing this? You're blind!!1!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Re: Re: Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_It's called technology, O Smart One! Get your stupid flying "kitty" to tell you about it!_

_(Posted by TehBlindPyro43)_

_Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_I know all about technology, thank you very much! How the heck did you think I BECAME the voice? Huh!? Beat that! And besides, Patches doesn't even know how to talk. Yet. _

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_Dude, quit replying back to me! There are too many freaking Re's!!_

_(Posted by TehBlingPyro43)_

_Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_Fine! But this discussion is not over yet, young man!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Subj: Dude..._

_What are you, my FATHER!? Do NOT reply back to that..._

_(Posted by TehBlingPyro43)_

_Subj: Holy mother of-!_

_Now this is just starting to get creepy. WHO ARE YOU!?_

_(Posted by JBatchelder0)_

_Subj: Hi Dad!_

_Heya, Pops! How's it going? I really like your blog. How come I'VE never met Patches before, and yet Ella has? Don't you wuv me? Don't you WUV ME!? I hate you!!1!! P.S. What are the freaky numbers that appeared yesterday on the back of my neck?_

_(Posted by Wolverine-6-6-psych!02)_

_Re: Subj: Hi Dad!_

_My son! How are you? Would you like to see Patches? Come over to my house tomor- Wait, WHAT!? What numbers!? Crap, DON'T MOVE!! We're sending SWAT to come and get you RIGHT AWAY!!1!!_

_Subj: What is wrong with you?_

_Seriously, there is something seriously WRONG about you. Quit harassing poor innocent old women in unsuspecting stores, you creep. _

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

_Subj: Sam!_

_Sam! Wait! Where did you go? Fang, you idiot! You chased him off! _

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)_

_Subj: Thanks, Man!_

_Hey, Voice. Thanks for the comments about me. But keep it on the Down Low (People are suppose to know about it!!) So yeah. Anyway, cool blog!_

_(Posted by IrOnMaNrOx)_

Sunday

NOOOOOO!!111!! Where the h-e-double toothpicks did the freaking weekend go!? I think I spent too much time golding this weekend...Curse you putting!! Why can't EVERY day be a weekend? (TEARS!!)

You know what I wuv? I wuv actions!! (Tear) (Smile) (Laugh evilly) (Grin evilly) (Dance) (Spin around insanely) (Spit) (Spit again) (Spit another time) (Yell at Max to tell her she's going the wrong freaking way) (Again) (Write in blog) (Go get random snack) (Eat snack) (Yawn) (Get tired of actions) (Stop doing actions)

So that comment yesterday posted by my darling son Ari was rather frightening. His expiration- I MEAN! Um...No, wait, that's exactly what I mean...I can't think of anything else...(Tear!)- date showed up yesterday. So now he's gunna croak. I wonder if he'll ever meet Patches? Probably not. Patches doesn't like blonde-haired Erasers that come from random annoying Voices. She's very specific on her likes and dislikes. But don't worry- She wouldn't like Iggy, either, who is SO NOT COOLER THAT IRONMAN!!

I've decided that I probably DO need to see Gordon Gordon. Seeing as EVERYONE thinks that there's something wrong with me!!(You meanies!!)(TEAR!!) But, the real question is not IF I should see him. It's WHERE to find him. (Nods wisely)

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: EEEK!_

_Wait! Ari is gunna die!? That can't be possible! See!? If you're me, I would have HAD that memory! Which I DON'T! This is horrible!!_

_(Posted by JBatchelder0)_

_Re: Subj: EEEK!_

_Oh, Jeb, Jeb, Jeb...You knew it was going to happen one day!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Haha!_

_Hey, dude, this is actually pretty funny! I would totally love it if not for the fact that you're actually EXACTLY how you sound in real life! See ya, Voice! Oh, and remember to stay upwind! I'm feeling pretty gassy these days. Oh! And another thing: No one is following us. Those voices you hear aren't people from school. Trust me. I would know. (Wink!)_

_(Posted by staydownwind5555555)_

_Subj: Stop with the emotions!_

_Just STOP it! You're driving me CRAZY! And Sam- if you KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU- Keep away. _

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

_Subj: Max!_

_Don't worry, Max! Nothing could keep me away for too long! Especially not jealous teenage bird kids!! Oh, and Voice- keep it up! Still laughing like crazy!!_

_(Posted by Sam-oh-Rama546)_

_Subj: Hey! I'm not THAT bad!!_

_WTF!? I am NOT that bad at golf, thank you very much. I mean, how do YOU golf!? You're a VOICE!_

_(Posted by Ellallella987)_

_Re: Subj: Hey! I'm not THAT bad!!_

_Trust me, sweety, you are._

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okey-dokey. Yo, peoplez. I think it's time I started this baby up again. I know it's been a while, but hey, that's life. A.K.A: School sucks. So, here goes nothing. P.S. Thanks to all the reviewers! You guys are teh awesomeness!!**

**P.S. I'm going back and looking at all the usernames I made for everyone. Does anyone have a favorite? Mine: Sam-o-Rama. (Snicker)**

**On with the random junk!**

Monday

Mood: Grumpy

Where have all the good shows gone!?! First, I find out that Supernatural doesn't start until Jeb-knows-when in freakin' JANUARY, and then Heroes has to go and stop until, like, FEBRUARY! What the h-e-double toothpicks iz up wit dat!?

I finally found Gordon Gordon! Patches helped me, actually! I wuz just sitting there one day, annoying Max like I always do 'cuz it's just too much fun to annoy Max, when all of a sudden, ol' Patchy just started randomly screaming "ZOMG!" It was actually quite frightening. I didn't realize Patch could scream, let alone scream ZOMG!... It was all quite strange, actually...

Well, anyhoo....Patchy started screaming, and then flew off in this direction, so I used my awesome-voodoo-ninja powers on Max and got her to follow Patches for me! It was so nice of Max to go along and help me find Gordon Gordon. She went with out complaining, too! She must wuv me. So, after I, uh, _persuaded_ Max to come along, we followed Patchy to the ends of the UNIVERSE to find this freaking British dude. And I literally mean: ENDS OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE!! Do you know how far Britain iz? Do you!? DO YOU!?! That's right! No, you freaking don't! And stoopid Max didn't use her super-dee-duper speed even once! I mean really!? What iz up wit dat, dawg!?

So after FINALLY finding this British shrink, I finally get the chance to sit down with the guy and tell him all about my voicely-problems; how I'm harassed daily by a group of (cough)_idiot_(cough) birdkiddies, how no one seems to like me, how Bortchy has started strangely winning all of the checkers games, AND how Ari and Patches seem to have now shown expiration dates! Can anyone tell me how a poor, defenseless, wittle Voice is supposed to keep up with all that!?

So, Gordon Gordon laid it to me straight; after a nice cup o' tea, he told me that I was a Voice, and I needed to get over myself, 'cuz I was imaginary. Yeah, what a loozer, right? I'm sitting here, pouring my heart and _soul_ out to this guy, and all he can say is that I'm _imaginary? _What a heartless wench!

Must everyone always be so mean to the Voice? You people have no sooouuuullllzzzzzz!!

MaXiMuMvOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: Kyaaaah!_

_ZoMg!! im, like, 2tlly frst post agin! omfgzomgbbq! u, lik, 2tlly rok, Voice! Ur soo hawt! Kyaaaa!_

_(Posted by -cutiepie1234321-)_

_Re: Subj: Kyaaaah!_

_....What????_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj:...PHAIL._

_Voice, you FAIL AT LIFE! No one likes you, and no one ever will. Your life is meaningless. Go crawl into a corner and die, because that is the only worthwhile thing you will ever do._

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

_Re: Subj:...PHAIL._

_...Wow, Fang. That was...really uplifting....You have a natural instinct of cheering people up, don't you?....I'm very depressed now...._

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Aw, man!_

_Don't let the stick-in-the-mud get 'cha down, Voice! I still think your rawkin'! Your blog is cracking me up, man! I'm splitin' at the sides!_

_(Posted by Sam-oh-Rama546)_

_Subj: ....WTF???_

_I went without complaining? And what is all this crap about "I must wuv you"? Dude, you threatened to freaking split my head open if I didn't follow you stupid fat cat all the way to Britain! You SUCK!1!11!!!!!11!eleven!!!one!!_

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)  
_

_Re: Subj: ....WTF???_

_Oh, they don't need to know the details, Max! Why'd you hafta go an' tell 'em! Trust me, folks, I'm really not as heartless as she says!...Honest! And Patches is NOT FAT!....She's pleasantly plump!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)  
_

_Subj: AHA!!!!_

_I hav beaten you at ze game ov checkers, Voice! Vat now!? You suck, and therefore must bow down to my awesomely-awesomeness! Bwahahahaha! _

_(Posted by Bortchy565)_

_Re: Subj: AHA!!!!_

_That's 'cuz you CHEAT!!!!!!!11!!1!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Focus..._

_Can you at least tell me what DATE the numbers are!?!?!_

_(Posted by JBatchelder0)_

_Re: Subj: Focus..._

_Not until you can think of a better username that THAT, dude!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Stop it._

_I saw that sneaky little comment you put in about us bird kids being idiots. I warned you Voice. I did._

_(Posted by angeldeerest6)_

_Re: Subj: Stop it._

_...GOD YOU'RE CREEPY!_

_Subj: Chill, Pops!_

_Wouldjya just chill, Dad? It isn't like I'm just gunna randomly keel over and die or any-_

_(Posted by Wolverine-6-6-psych!02)_

_Re: Subj: Chill, Pops!_

_....Any-what?...Ari???....ARI!?!?!?!?! OH NOEZ!!!!!1111!!!!!!1!!!_

_.....Well, whatever. Who wants cake?_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Re: Re: Subj: Chill, Pops!_

_Oooh!!! ME!!!!!!!_

_(Posted by TehBlindPyro43)_

**A/N: Ta-da! For having been a while, I don't think it's half bad...I'm getting rusty though =/. Any ideas anyone wanna toss at me? Any reviews will be mucho appreciated! Thanks ^^**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hiya again, guys. Sorry it's taking me so long for chapters!! =/ I'm trying!! Thanks to Alienated2 for posting a review on EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. That's, in a word, AWESOME. And then, thanks to Fangalicious (Snicker...Love the name, dude) for a great idea...That just might work. Here goes another one. **

Tuesday

Mood: Depressed

PATCHES DIED!!!!! It was so sad! I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this grief! We buried him in the back yard next to my Graple tree and my other pet Ruffles, half potato chip, half snail (Don't ask me how that works...) It was so sad! And no one really even cared! Does anyone care about Patches!? No! They don't! They just think he was some old, fat cat with freaky, craptastic wings! But he wasn't, at all! Patches was special! (Sniff)(Sniff)....Oh well! I'll just make a new flying kitty!! And I'll call him...Cake! And then I'll give him to Sawyer from Lost, 'cause Sawyer should totally have a flying kitty named Cake.

Finally, the shows are back on. Me and Max were just DYING to know what happened next with House. House is totally going to eat Cameron ALIVE!!!...Or possibly the other way around. Who knows? And finally American Idol started back up! I haven't had anything to laugh at in a while.... Seriously, do some of the people on that show actually think they can sing!?...You poor souls... And! And!! Our MANGA came out!! I'm so excited! I haven't read it yet, but I just KNOW the artist is going to make me the hawtest guy in there, minus Fang and his beautiful flowing black hair............... Um. (Cough)

Oh! (Man, am I just full of events today or what!?) And, I went to see the pwetty Twilight movie!! Max and Nudge absolutely loved it, but nobody else seemed to get it... I don't know, I personally think it's a girl thing. My favorite part was when Carlisle first gets introduced! He was totally haw-.......

Um....Did I just type that out loud?

MaXiMuM vOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!_

_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!1!!! GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!111!!!1!!eleven!!!one!!1!_

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)_

_Re: Subj: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!_

_Finally! Thank you! Some one actually thinks I'm funny for once!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Re: Re: Subj: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!_

_No! Dude, that's totally not it!! (Giggle) (Giggle) You...Pffft!...You're totally GAY!!!! (Bursts out laughing) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_(Posted by Indestructable-Max890)_

_Subj: Cut it out, Max!_

_Hey, Voice, don't worry about what anyone else says about you! I think you're freakin' hilarious, no matter what anyone else says, especially Max! Give the poor guy a break, people!_

_(Posted by Sam-oh-Rama546)_

_Subj:....Tch._

_Leave her alone dude. Now all of a sudden she can't speak her mind because she's actually not agreeing with you for once? Get a grip. And Voice, you really ARE gay, and you really AREN'T funny....Even though my hair DOES totally rock....But only in the manga.  
_

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

_Re: Subj:....Tch._

_You tell 'im Fang! .......But get a grip on the hair thing, dude, mkay? Mkay.  
_

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)_

_Subj: Sassafras!_

_Why would name a flying kitty Cake? And isn't Sawyer, um...LOST? How are you going to get it to him?_

_(Posted by OlFart999)_

_Re: Subj: Sassafras!_

_.....Why would you start a post with "Sassafras!"??? And Cake can find his way! Through the power of LOVE!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Re: Re: Subj: Sassafras!_

_"The power of LOVE!"? See!? You ARE gay!_

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)_

_Subj: Oh em gee!!!_

_Oh em gee, voice, I, lke, 2tlly LUUUUUV ur blog! and twilight, iz lke, a 2tlly rawkin' movie. edward wuz sooo hawt! Oh em gee! (Squeeeeee)_

_(Posted by -cutiepie1234321-)_

_Re: Subj: Oh em gee!!!_

_....What do I SEE in you!?_

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

**A/N: Ta-da!! It's short, but hopefully it's funny. I know I had some laughs while I was writing it...Lolz. So, please R&R! I love reviews, and I'll give you cookies!! Or maybe I can get the Voice to make YOU a flying kitty...named Frosting. Mwahahahaha. =P**

**Thanks! -Mer  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Okay, I'm back, guys! Hopefully, this'll remain a weekly thing. Keep your fingers crossed!! =D. To Alienated: Great ideas, dude. Keep 'em coming. To Xuut: I. LOVE. THAT!! Lol. Fangalicious: I hope I'm didn't scar you too bad...Lol. I actually really liked the Twilight movie XD. And then Stop. But don't stare please.: Your profile rawks.  
**

Friday

Cake learned to shave! I'm so proud!! Aren't I such a great father? Soon, I have to send him to Sawyer...Wherever he is.....Or is he dead? Didn't the island disappear? And what happened to Vincent? What came first; the chicken or the egg? All valid questions. But I miss all the little birdies (No pun or Bird Kid relation intended) that I used to have, like Patches, Ruffles, Ari, Snickers (...Lots an' lost o' CANDY!!), Teapot (Dude, do NOT even ask...), Slithers, Pawky, and other various genetic mutations that I thought of on a passing day, all to my lonesome. They were all such good little freaks... (SNIFF!)

So! I brought them all back to life!! Ta-DA!!! I know, I know; I should win the Nobel Prize! Aren't I a GENIUS!? So I went out to the Pet Cemetery yesterday and revived them all using my uber-secret-special voodoo powers, and BOOM! They all came back! Ruffles, with his potato chip shell and slimy belly, and teapot, with his cute little lizard feet and glass nose, and Snickers with his...well...CANDY!! It was so nice to see them all once again. Some of the best times I've had were with them. And annoying Max, but that's more of a passing hobby... Unfortunately, they all promptly died again. Apparently, my uber-secret-special voodoo powers only work for a couple seconds....(SNIFF!!!!!)

So after all that totally busted, I sent Cake to Sawyer, and then got very, very lonely. So I made a new flying kitty! I know, I know; a complete shocker, right! This time, I named him Frosting and sent him to "Stop. But don't stare please." He seemed strangely happy to go.... I wonder why that is...?

So after I lost yet ANOTHER dear, dear pet, I finally decided to give up on pets altogether. WHO NEEDS 'EM!? They just leave you in the end!! (Starts bawling) (Gives Max an uber-painful voodoo headache due to incessant wailing) (Feels slightly better) (Stops crying)

(Sniff) (Sniff).......... Anyways!! After that I decided to go through some of my old things, you know, way back when televisions was the junk random hobos wrote on the walls...Good times, good times... And I found my old tie-dye t-shirt!! My old friend Jimmy had made it for me on our last day of college ('Cause a Voice can _totally_ go to college). Actually, there was this one time when me and Jimmy -....Well, never mind...

MaXiMuM vOiCe OuT!

COMMENTS:

_Subj: .....Duuuuuude....._

_....................................You are so freaking WEIRD!!! Get a hobby other than mixing snails with freakin' POTATO CHIPS!!!_

_(Posted by Indestructably-Max890)_

_Subj: Run, little aneemals! Run!!_

_Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! Vonce again, Voice, I have proven my superior intellect over your stoopid and childish antics! It vas I, the great ter Bortchy, who released those aneemals from you and took them as my SLAVES!! Vhat now!?!?!_

_(Posted by Bortchy565)_

_Re: Subj: Run, little aneemals! Run!!_

_It was YOU!! So my uber-secret-special voodoo powers DID work!! Give Ruffles, Patches, and Snickers back NOW you German (...or something like that. Dude, really, what ARE you???) thief!_

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: FAIL._

_I've probably said this before, dude, but I'm saying it again. Your blog is FAIL. EPIC, EPIC FAIL. I can't even say anything more. Just FAIL. _

_And, p.s: No one wants to hear about what you and Jimmy did in college, man!_

_(Posted by Fnick#1)_

_Subj: Woot!!_

_Yeah, Voice, man! Gettin' down and dirty with the dudes! You GO man! _

_(Posted by TehBlindPyro43 and staydownwind5555555)_

_Re: Subj: Woot!!_

_.........Ew._

_(Posted by nUdGe!!)_

_Subj: ....I think I'm confused._

_Aren't you a VOICE? How are you even doing all this, anyways???_

_(Posted by ellalella987)_

_Re: Subj:....I think I'm confused._

_....You will NEVER know._

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: No, really, what ARE you?_

_Seriously, dude, I've seen my fair share of some pretty freaky things (Trust me...). But never have I encountered a VOICE in all my travels....How odd. _

_....If only you Earthlings knew...Muhahahahahaha...._

_(Posted by Alienated2) _

_Re: Subj: No, really, what ARE you?_

_.....You're just as bad as ANGEL, dude! No, wait! Lemme guess; you're working with HER!! That's it! This is all a trick, like one of those hidden camera shows!! Yeah, that's it! Any minute, they'll be popping out, just you wait....(Waits) (Nothing happens) (Starts sweating) MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!_

_....Do Voices even have mommies? Dude, what a horrible thing to think about..._

_(Posted by MaXiMuMvOiCe)_

_Subj: Mreow._

_Meow Voice! Lookit, I has teefies!!! I found Sawyer fine, and were on the Island having a BLAST! Wish you was heere!_

_(Posted by Cake-ums0000)_

**A/N: Lol, I really like that last username. And I'm glad that I got to incorporate the other members of the Flock more, including Nudge. I hope that made you laugh, Alienated. And I put Stop. But don't stare please.'s username in quotes so people won't get confused and think it was part of the story =P Lol. But, seriously, if anyone wants me to do something like that for them, just leave it in a review. I check them all almost every day- for this story, everyone's input can make a difference. It's starting to mutate into a fanfanfic! Mwahahahahaha!!.......Okay, see ya! -Mer**


End file.
